See here’s my beef with organized religion. Two people deleted me from every social media because of my opinions on religion. You know whatever, that’s nice who cares? Yet the girl is about four months pregnant and the couple had a shotgun wedding like what a month ago? Hmm, wonder what that means? Don’t get me wrong, religion is big on redemption stories, that’s all nice and shit. But the only thing they value more than redemption is a perfect archetype who never messed up in the first place. See someone’s gotta prove that the system works, and whose people aren’t held in any higher regard, not that they should but at the same time what’s the incentive to be perfect if you’re just going to be saved at the end? See you’re working for the system, it looks real good but it’s archaic and dusty the higher up you go the more flaws there are. You want to advance in a job. The christian religion is the political equivalent of communism basically. Looks great on paper, even the guy who wrote it had good ideas and the best of intentions but it really really just doesn’t work in application…
And let’s face it that’s why I rebelled, good people running a failing system. Loved those guys and they’d rather hug me and love me than answer my questions, sorry doesn’t work like that for me. Too many things are indefinitive, if you don’t have definite answers, you can’t understand love without clear intentions, that’s why jealousy and doubt exists. Some people can just accept, I need to understand. Sorry, i am a different breed…
“You have to replace it with something. You can’t just walk around with a void in your psyche.”
You can’t? Why not? Whats to fear, I don’t get it. Everyone can see it, we all know it’s there you’re not fooling anyone. So just live with it, if nothing else keep it to lack the fear that paralyzed so many people. Good and bad alike. The rest doesn’t mean anything. You can have the answer but if they’re too scared to ask the right questions. What’s it really worth?
If walking in Memphis made you a Christian, there’s one hell of deal down in New Orleans, yeah…
Let’s pretend I didn’t see that. Keep it in my back pocket. Or in the clip of the weapon I might need one day. Heh, some things never change. And I’ll never change them either. It’s up to the world not me. I’ll change myself. You follow suit.
The world is losing it’s mind. It’s an odd day when i’m the one who has their shit together the most. No one stops to think, maybe my entire purpose is to fight back…I don’t know, me and my mom identified with each other on two things this week. That’s two more than ever before. Things are changing, but I have to play the same roles over and over. I don’t know what that means. At least i’m good at it by now…no one can accept things for what they are and I don’t blame them. But more settle when I try to improve. Change, evolve, fight if you have to…some get nailed to a cross and some get nailed to a line huh? I’m just a self fulfilling prophesy. And that’s at the very least boring and at the very most disheartening.
Being in love does not make you a lover
Being a in a fight does not make you a fighter
Owning an xbox does not make you a gamer
Backing up what you say does not make you honest
You are not loved by the number of people who tell you
You are not hated by the number who stand up to you
You have nothing real to say
You are a thing, made up of parts that make up humans
I’m not sure what you are
You have a life but no real soul
I’ve seen you in person and even your eyes look dead
I’ve seen you cry and still your eyes look dead
You are a doll, made up of parts of broken people
You are the void they think will fill the void in the lonely heart
But in the end you are nothing and will always be nothing
Nothing can get us by in this real world
I know that for a fact
You see dear, all my life i’ve known what real feels like, it’s a million different perceptions focused to one point of light that emanates from your soul. It’s mark is indelible, it’s nothing you can emote. It’s a sensation that can awaken the soul.
You lack this, and much of the essence of humanity…I have no idea what you really are.
Now they know i’ll be the one who can help them understand him, that legend of years past, they all fall for him. He’s one of my best friends and can trick almost any girl. What do you think i’ll tell you that’ll make you see it differently?
Not a damn thing, no one’s gonna help me get what I want. I have no problem letting the world go to chaos, cause I know I can survive where no one else can…
Let’s see what the world has to say to me.
It’s a bit depressing to realize that my drug connect Is one of the most brilliant and reliable people I know.
I just need to have someone help me make sense of it. I can’t handle not having anything to go by, I never could. I can take a word or a thought and make it into some sort of piece of mind. But nothing, I can’t handle nothing. Never could when it came to these things, drives me crazy. I need to know i’m doing the right thing. It’s the only person who has truly moved me in forever. I feel like this is my only chance to get it right. I don’t care if it’s not. Right now, this is what matters. I need a better life and this is a start…why do I always go for the impossible ones, shit.
He’s right, i’m becoming like him. And the fact that he realized it is proof that I did my job. I helped break him out of it. He needed a month of me busting my ass and fifty valium a week to shake himself out of it. What are you gonna do, some people just know what they need. That’s a fact…
I guess secretly I needed him to be down. I’m so rigid, he’s my best friend. He’s smarter, faster, and better than I am. He’s less rigid but more insecure. If he’s out and doing stuff I don’t feel like I have a chance at anything. And let’s face it, I don’t. This has happened before. But that’s not really it…
I’m sure something’ll change it. But I’m being pushed towards this larger than life thing. I hate it, maybe it’s cause of what I’ve done but If i was gonna become something I wanted it to be on my own. This feels forced. Nothing feels like it’s supposed to anymore. I’m worried that i’m losing my grip. But Joey’s always told me, you go out there and do what you know and fake it when you can’t. You can’t always be real and you can’t always be fake…you just have to make it through sometimes. I guess that’s what I have to do.
I had a few more thoughts but everything feels disjointed so i’ll end here.
I just noticed how few clothes she must own. I always see her in the same thing. Interesting, we fuck up the best we have, people like us.
